Your Kids (and You) and Porn

From the Pastor:    Your Kids (and You) and Porn

      Last week the diocese put on some presentations on battling porn. Some of the presentations were meant for pastors and church staff and others for everyone else. These were advertised not as “how to stop using porn yourselves” presentations but rather as “who is using porn, why, and how to help them stop” presentations. I have to state that very clearly because many of us pastors wish to start similar programs and one of the things that was pointed out is that parishes often doom any anti-porn programs they start by advertising it in these or similar words, “Do you have a porn addiction? Come and get help escaping it.” Nobody ever shows up because nobody ever wants to be seen by fellow parishioners as “that guy” (or gal) with the porn problem. Whisper, whisper, whisper. But if the program/presentation is bringing in people who know others who need help, especially family members and, most especially, teens and pre-teens, there is no stigma in attending. Everyone learns how bad the problem is, why it is a problem with moral, social, psychological and physiological ramifications, and how to break the cycle of use/abuse.
      In the presentation, they gave statistics of various findings and links to studies on porn: who uses it, who thinks “what” qualifies as “porn” in the first place, why they use it, etc. Do you want something to catch your attention? How about the statistic that the cell phone is where most youth view porn? Porn blocking on computers or Wi-Fi networks doesn’t work if your kid can bypass it with an unlimited data plan on his/her cell phone. Where do they “use” the porn they find on their phones? In their bedroom. Having their computer use limited to a public place, say, the dining room table where anyone (like mom) can see the screen pretty easily helps somewhat in keeping them from accessing porn on the computer but then they simply retreat into their bedrooms with their portable computers called smartphones and are not seen for hours. When do they “use” porn? When they are bored. Well, gosh, that doesn’t eliminate a whole lot of the day or night when it comes to your kids now, does it? How many of you have kids who never complain about being bored? Insert the sound of crickets chirping <here>. How many parents have contracepted to such an extent that their child has his/her own bedroom and so has complete privacy while locked away in there with a porn device? But your kids don’t view porn, right? Most children in the fifth grade with cell phones have viewed porn. Kids are viewing porn, which often is accessed completely by accident the first time, before they even know what is going on in the images they see. (Children without cell phones see it on their friends’ phones, though obviously much less frequently than when they have their own.) And guess what? That is where they are learning everything they know about sex, sexual intimacy, girlfriend/boyfriend relationships and spousal sexual activity because mom and dad never talk with them about such things anymore. Mom and dad are becoming more stupidly, but seemingly honorably, prudish (“I don’t want to take away little Joey’s innocence so I won’t ever talk to him about the birds and the bees or about Church teaching in this area and I certainly won’t let the school do so, but I will give him complete unfettered and unsupervised 24/7 access to the poison of porn because he ‘needs’ a phone for emergencies”! Plus, my pastor better darned sure never mention words like ‘porn’, ‘self-abuse’, ‘homosexual’, ‘heterosexual’, ‘fornication’, ‘adultery’, ‘Onanism’, or ‘Bill Clintonism’, in a homily or bulletin article because my little darling will be scarred for life!”) or ignorant of new realities (“Girls don’t view porn so Sally’s safe with a smartphone.”) or just too doggone lazy (“He’ll learn it on his own, like I did” even though you never had access to a smidgen of the rot kids have access to today, such as groups, animals, S&M, etc.).
      Many school aged children have also “sexted”, yet don’t think that it is porn since they know each other. Most think it is not porn if it only involves people they don’t know, either, so not much is considered to be truly “porn” by the majority of teens and young adults. Further, they don’t consider it porn if they are the willing subject of the nude photo or video, either, or if they watch/listen/read it with friends, or if it “only” involves partial nudity, or if it is free. Do you get the picture? You can ask your son/daughter if he/she views porn and get what he/she believes is a truthful “no” even if they are viewing, sending, receiving, and even creating porn!
      Porn is extremely addicting. The earlier the addiction occurs, the quicker tolerance builds up and more hardcore filth is needed for the “fix”. It is also harder to conquer the further it progresses. And for the adults? Well, that’s for another day.

With prayers for your holiness,
Rev. Fr. Edwin Palka