He only shuts up when he is writing!
From the Pastor: A Successful Vatican Summit!
I hereby present to you the results of the recently held Vatican Summit on Clerical Abuse of Minors, which was held on February 21-23. The bulletin needed to be printed before the Summit concluded, so I had to write this in advance of the actual meetings and talks. You know the drill by now. This is what obviously happened. Or should have happened. Or might have happened. By the time you read it, you will know.
To begin the Summit the Pope invited a certain Mr. McCarrick to read aloud a passage of scripture, Genesis 19:1-25 “And the two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of the city. And seeing them, he rose up and went to meet them: and worshipped prostrate to the ground, And said: I beseech you, my lords, turn in to the house of your servant, and lodge there: wash your feet, and in the morning you shall go on your way. And they said: No, but we will abide in the street. He pressed them very much to turn in unto him: and when they were come in to his house, he made them a feast, and baked unleavened bread and they ate: But before they went to bed, the men of the city beset the house both young and old, all the people together. And they called Lot, and said to him: Where are the men that came in to thee at night? bring them out hither that we may know them: Lot went out to them, and shut the door after him, and said: Do not so, I beseech you, my brethren, do not commit this evil. I have two daughters who as yet have not known man: I will bring them out to you, and abuse you them as it shall please you, so that you do no evil to these men, because they are come in under the shadow of my roof. But they said: Get thee back thither. And again: Thou camest in, said they, as a, stranger, was it to be a judge? therefore we will afflict thee more than them. And they pressed very violently upon Lot: and they were even at the point of breaking open the doors. And behold the men put out their hand, and drew in Lot unto them, and shut the door: And them that were without, they struck with blindness from the least to the greatest, so that they could not find the door. And they said to Lot: Hast thou here any of thine? son in law, or sons, or daughters, all that are thine bring them out of this city: For we will destroy this place, because their cry is grown loud before the Lord, who hath sent us to destroy them. So Lot went out, and spoke to his sons in law that were to have his daughters, and said: Arise: get you out of this place, because the Lord will destroy this city. And he seemed to them to speak as it were in jest. And when it was morning, the angels pressed him, saying: Arise, take thy wife, and the two daughters which thou hast: lest thou also perish in the wickedness of the city. And as he lingered, they took his hand, and the hand of his wife, and of his two daughters, because the Lord spared him. And they brought him forth, and set him without the city: and there they spoke to him, saying: Save thy life: look not back, neither stay thou in all the country about: but save thyself in the mountain, lest thou be also consumed. And Lot said to them: I beseech thee my Lord, Because thy servant hath found grace before thee, and thou hast magnified thy mercy, which thou hast shewn to me, in saving my life, and I cannot escape to the mountain, lest some evil seize me, and I die: There is this city here at hand, to which I may flee, it is a little one, and I shall be saved in it: is it not a little one, and my soul shall live? And he said to him: Behold also in this, I have heard thy prayers, not to destroy the city for which thou hast spoken. Make haste and be saved there, because I cannot do any thing till thou go in thither. Therefore the name of that city was called Segor. The sun was risen upon the earth, and Lot entered into Segor. And the Lord rained upon Sodom and Gomorrha brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven. And he destroyed these cities, and all the country about, all the inhabitants of the cities, and all things that spring from the earth.”
When the passage was read, the Gift of Fear of the Lord filled each of the men present and spread simultaneously throughout the entire world-wide presbyterate. Clergy of all stripes fell to their knees weeping, put on sackcloth and ashes, called for a worldwide fast and a Holy Year of Reparation for the Sin Of Sodom which they had inflicted upon the Church and world. Every sodomite seminarian, deacon, priest and bishop completely converted on the spot yet still resigned, effective immediately, each to live a life of severe penance and prayer in modern-day Nineveh (near Mosul, Iraq) as chaste, faithful, discalced mendicant brothers in a newly formed lay organization dedicated to disseminating far and wide, The Book of Gomorrah and St. Peter Damian’s Struggle Against Ecclesiastical Corruption. Between damnation and Damian, they chose wisely.
And so it went. I hope.
With prayers for your holiness,
Rev. Fr. Edwin Palka