Epiphany of Our Lord Catholic Church
  • Home
  • Online Giving
  • Map: Find us!
  • Meet the Staff
  • Calendar
  • Sacrament Prep
  • Men's Club (Holy League)
  • Altar Boy page
  • American Heritage Girls
  • Troops of St. George
  • Help! I cannot find the right Mass in my missal! I don't know when to sit, stand or kneel!
  • Pastor's bulletin article
  • Council of Catholic Women
  • Knights of Columbus
  • Photos
  • Youth Group!
    • Anima Christi
    • Sancti Amici
  • Latin Mass Schedule
  • Talks you don't want to miss!
  • Adult Catechism Class audio
  • Understand the Bible!
  • Extra Stuff
  • Things that need doing
  • Music
  • Bulletins
  • Covid information
  • CEW
  • Parish Business Directory

He only shuts up when he is writing!

Can’t Understand Latin? Hah!

8/6/2017

 
From the Pastor:    Can’t Understand Latin? Hah!

      The next time someone tells you that they won’t come to Epiphany because they cannot understand Latin, hand them the following as food for thought. At least with Latin, what you see is what you say! Homographs would seem to be just the thing to make anyone say, with good reason, “I will never attend an English Mass. I just cannot understand it!” I am not the author of the text below. It is just one of many similar anonymous writings I have seen over the years. But I enjoyed it anyway and I hope you will, too.

You think English is easy?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture..
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

      Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
      And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
      If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
      How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
      English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


With prayers for your holiness and humor,
Rev. Fr. Edwin Palka

​

Comments are closed.

    Author:
    ​Fr. Palka

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Extra Ecclesiam nulla salus
  • Home
  • Online Giving
  • Map: Find us!
  • Meet the Staff
  • Calendar
  • Sacrament Prep
  • Men's Club (Holy League)
  • Altar Boy page
  • American Heritage Girls
  • Troops of St. George
  • Help! I cannot find the right Mass in my missal! I don't know when to sit, stand or kneel!
  • Pastor's bulletin article
  • Council of Catholic Women
  • Knights of Columbus
  • Photos
  • Youth Group!
    • Anima Christi
    • Sancti Amici
  • Latin Mass Schedule
  • Talks you don't want to miss!
  • Adult Catechism Class audio
  • Understand the Bible!
  • Extra Stuff
  • Things that need doing
  • Music
  • Bulletins
  • Covid information
  • CEW
  • Parish Business Directory